Relationship failedFace it, at some point we have all been heartbroken (After being dumped by an older suitor, I cried so
hard I thought I was literally dying of a broken heart). Whether your high school sweetheart bid you farewell your senior year of high school, or your spouse decided to call it quits after twenty years of marriage, once that midnight train to Georgia has pulled out of the station, the relationship is officially over.
While that may be difficult to hear, a severed relationship (of any capacity) is a harsh reality that must be accepted. If that person wanted to be there, then you wouldn't be drowning your sorrows in cheesecake like The Golden Girls. Instead of pouring your energies into factors beyond your control, think about how you can begin the healing process and find an answer to the age-old question... Where do I go from here?
Despite what people may tell you, its your party and you can cry if you want to. I have never seen tears as a sign of weakness. Rather I have always viewed crying as an opportunity for self-reflection and a much-needed spiritual cleansing (as long as you eventually put your pity-party-pumps back on the shelf where they belong).
While it is more beneficial to address a complex relationship while there is trouble in paradise, those quiet moments alone after the fact are equally as important. It's important to ask yourself what may have gone wrong in the relationship and also how you may have contributed to its demise. We are so quick to point the blame-finger at the other party, but in all honesty, we have to look inward as well. Unless you were in a committed relationship with the man or woman in the mirror, whether you want to admit it or not, your own actions had some bearing on why you're back on the singles scene.
Now that you have this time alone, spend this valuable time working on YOU. And if you have truly been honest with yourself, surely you will have identified some opportunities for improvement. Its OK... no matter how put together we THINK we are, there is ALWAYS room for growth and development. Get to know yourself better, make the proper adjustments and only when you're ready, give it another try, and emerge victoriously as the new you. As bleak as it may seem, eventually someone will appreciate who you are and all that you have to offer. It simply takes time.
P.S. During this self-reflection phase, you may be tempted to call up Mary, Sue and Jane... John, Jack and Paul. Don't. These rebounds are detrimental to the healing process, and although they may provide a night or two of fun, you will only end up feeling more empty than before. Mary, John and their friends can't replace a lost love one or fill that empty void. As cliché as it may sound, only time (spent alone) can heal old wounds. And to be honest, no one really deserves to be a part of all that chaos anyway. So do everyone a small favor and leave that Rolodex or your credenza, your little black book in your drawer and Craigslist right where it belongs. This is your opportunity to be selfish, so make it all about you, all by yourself.